Hello lovelies! I know you’re shocked that i’m back so soon, to be honest I am too. I’m kind of afraid of this blog turning into yet another blog of mine that starts every post with “I’m so sorry I never update! I promise i’ll do it more often!” and then nothing until the next post that starts the exact same way. So here I am in all my determination to keep this thing alive and kicking, more as a favor to myself and my own mental health than anything. I need a structured brain dump and a creative outlet somewhere!
I’m working on a few posts right now and one of them is a catch up post since the New Year to give a quick goal update but I wanted a shorter snippet of my life to be recorded first. That snippet is this past weekend because it was THE BEST. Seriously I have not been so happy or so productive in a very long time. It was just chock full of good times for me and I know it may not seem like a lot to most people but oh well, i’m easily excited especially when it comes to getting my life together. This weekend was mostly just me doing things around the house: Fixing, cleaning, cooking, decorating, planting. But those are all the things i’ve been dying to do and haven’t had the time for so it just made me feel good to get them done.
I got an early start on the day which is something i’m trying to make a point of doing more. Well okay it’s only been a point since last Saturday when the SAT Mando and I were supposed to proctor got cancelled and we had an unexpected free morning. We woke up at 6 am only to find out at 7 am that we had the whole morning free before we had to leave for the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo (more on that in the big catch up post). That morning finally made me realize how nice it is to be done with all your errands by 10 and then have the rest of the day to do ~things~ like clean and decorate without having to worry about leaving to go get things again.
So cue this Saturday morning and me waking up at 9:00 am. Okay it’s not 6:00 am like last weekend but it was SOMETHING at least. And to have total disclosure here: I laid in bed catching up on social media for at least 30 minutes before I got up. However i’ve decided this is the best way to ease into the day and I will feel no guilt about weekend laziness. Once I finally got out of bed and got myself together I went and had breakfast with two of my oldest friends and it was so nice just being with them. We’re all pretty busy and we’re all leading our own lives for the most part now so it’s kind of weird not seeing them every day or even every week anymore. One of the parts of growing up that i’m starting to really take stock of is just how important it is to schedule time with people you care about otherwise you’ll never see them.
One of my new years intentions was to build better relationships and while I had a few ideas of what that meant at the time i’m finally starting to realize that it takes effort now to keep relationships going that i’ve had for quite literally my entire life. You need to call people if you want to talk to them. You need to schedule hang outs if you want to see them. You need to tell them you love them so they know because you aren’t around enough to let your actions speak for you. I know it may be weird but when I do talk to close friends on the phone now I pretty regularly end the conversation with an “I love you!” because I do. And i’m not gonna be weird about. That’s how I say goodbye to my family it’s how I say bye to my friends who are my family.
So we went ahead and scheduled another breakfast for next month. I’m finally starting to understand why brunch is such a big thing amongst people my age. We found the only free time we had that wasn’t already over scheduled and we made up something to go there just so we can see the people we love. I like it.
Tying Things Together
After our breakfast taco date I went to Sam Moon (the best/cheapest place for knock off bags and accessories) and spent some of my leftover tax refund. I left my accessory shopping spree feeling pretty pleased with myself and went on my way to target to “check out” the paper goods and shelves. I walked in intending to not actually buy anything but that’s where i’m a fool. Of course I found some new notebooks that are broken into chapters and some floating shelves that were on clearance. But the BIG thing that I found and that I was legitimately excited about was the rug in the patio section.
I’ve been looking for a big rug for our living room for a while now but they are so expensive and I never found something that I would be comfortable putting in the living room with all the dogs constantly tracking in dirt. So I was freaking stoked to find an indoor/outdoor rug that was not only cute but you can also literally take it outside and hose it off when it gets dirty. How exciting is that!? Well okay that is probably only exciting to people with gross muddy dogs.
Since we put in the rug and rearranged the furniture (aka put it somewhere that wasn’t all pushed up against the back wall) we have spent so much more time in our living room! It actually looks like people live here now and I love my house so much more. I’m not going to lie, I was getting really frustrated with the seemingly non-functional layout of our ‘open concept’ living room. There are so many weird things about the big open square in the middle of the house that it made it hard to look like the furniture actually belonged in the middle of the room and not awkwardly pushed up against the wall.
The Last Lost Continent
Saturday night was the La Dispute concert at Fitzgerald’s in Houston. Mando got me tickets to see them for my birthday and I can’t tell you how excited I was to go to the show. I’m writing up (yet another) post about my feelings towards heavy music, post hardcore especially, because that night was just too inspiring. So more on that later but for now just know that I had a great time.
SUNDAY WAS THE BEST DAY! And it seriously matched it’s name too. It’s been muddy and raining and gross here lately and Sunday was absolutely gorgeous. It was in the 70s all day and sunny and there was a beautiful breeze. We had every window in the house open and I just can’t accurately describe how freaking nice it was that day.
I was on a roll from the minute I woke up! Okay, so once again I stayed in bed for a while on social media and then I got dressed and meal planned while watching HGTV for like an hour and a half but it was great because I was still up by 10:30 am and for a Sunday that’s super early for me. I’ve been trying to make myself meal prep again because we have been eating out way too often for my liking and also it just makes me feel bad when i’ve run out of time to do the most basic chore as a human which is to provide food for myself.
Very Happy Happenstance
As it just so happened my trip to the grocery store (which is usually an anxiety ridden mess for me) was amazing because not only did I run into some friends of the family who I hadn’t seen in forever but I also ran into one of my favorite students from my first year of teaching! I was so shocked to see him and there he was bagging my groceries! He was such a good student and was in my favorite class my first year and I hadn’t seen him since graduation. It was great catching up but it was even better finding out that he was in his second year of community college and had been recently accepted as a transfer student to a local college’s pre-med program!!!
From then on I felt like my day couldn’t go wrong, that’s how much of an impact that had on me. I went home, happily unpacked my groceries, and picked some roses from the gorgeous bushes that bloom on the side of our house (seen above). By that point I had the “let’s do things!” bug and convinced my boyfriend to go to Home Depot with me so I could buy all the plants.
I then happily spent the rest of the daylight outside, listening to Brandi Carlile, and digging in the dirt. I felt so accomplished and that’s not even the end of it. After I packed up all my gardening supplies and cleaned myself up I got to meal prepping. Buying the groceries is one thing but actually making yourself use them is another. I don’t usually have energy quite like this so i’m trying to take advantage of it as much as I can. I’m hopeful that if I can just stay busy and take the time to actually plan things out and plan when I should do them I can keep this momentum going, that’s the plan for now at least.
I know this seems like a long post for something so menial (wow Meagan ran errands and did household chores! Exciting!) but for me this actually is super exciting. To the point where I have a hard time not regaling everyone I know with stories of my very productive weekend. But I don’t usually feel like this. I don’t usually feel this productive or motivated or anything. I have goals and I want to do them but the motivation is never there unless i’m in a manic state. And while yes those are productive I never really feel good about them. I get a lot done but at the same time I know it’s not me, I know it’s not me who is doing these things and feeling this way, it’s just the flood of chemicals my brain is normally deprived of. It’s hard talking about this in such a public forum and I know I casually mention my anxiety and depression on twitter all the time but that always feels like shouting into the void. But this is different.
One thing i’m trying to do is be more open about these things because I feel that it takes the loneliness away and if there’s anything those of us who are effected by these conditions need, it’s to feel less alone. I think we need to talk about these personal topics more and we need to be honest about our lived experiences because if I didn’t include the fact that this weekend was a monumental feat for me I would feel like I was lying to y’all. I would feel misrepresented and I would feel like I was giving the impression that so many people get of people on the internet who make their lives public, and that is of some effortless perfection. As if living so productively and happily is normal and that is sooo not my lived experience. I am usually happy if I can manage to make myself sweep the floor that day let alone decorate my house, plant a garden, move furniture, buy food AND cook it. I did a lot this weekend and it’s a big deal for me and I feel the need to share it. I feel the need to share this everyday triumph and this good mood because they are so rare unfortunately. Weekends like this keep me fighting for the next one and while that may not sound like the most motivating thing in the world, it’s what motivates me.
As long as I know that sometimes I get really good days where my brain and my body are balanced and I get to do all the things I want to do i’m fine. I’m going to ride this good mood out and today i’m going to go home and tape the bathroom so I can start painting soon and maybe hang up some more art. Who knows I may even organize the garage while i’m at it! (okay let’s not get too crazy here…)
To make this never ending post even longer why don’t I tack on my goal for the week while i’m at it? Each week i’ll try a new mini goal or project and this week i’m going to make it to only listen to NPR or Podcasts while i’m driving. I spend more time in my car than I realize and since I started listening to podcasts on my longer drives I have felt so much more productive and informed. I think one of the things that has helped put me in this better mental space is that i’ve been using my downtime productively so I haven’t been falling behind or wasting so much time. I already acted on this goal this morning on my way to work and I feel smarter already!
Okay i’m done rambling your face off now!
Until next time,