I’ve Stopped Apologizing

July 3, 2014

I started going through my tumblr again from the beginning. I got an email in February telling me that my little baby tumblr was 5 years old. That’s 5 years i’ve been micro blogging my life, reblogging stuff, and slowly but surely becoming a better person.

There’s a popular post on tumblr that says something along the lines of “Joins tumblr for fun, becomes an adamant feminist.” I know so many people that this applies to but re reading my blog i’m finding just how much it’s true for me. If you follow me on twitter you’ve probably seen me face palming all over the place about freshman and sophomore year in college Meagan. She was so young! So naive! Thank god people were willing to teach her. Thank god people are still willing to teach me!

But one thing in particular I noticed between those posts now (I’m on page 925 of 970. Yes I have blogged 970 pages of tumblr. I’m going backwards) is that i’ve stopped apologizing. Or at least i’ve stopped trying to back pedal when people get offended. I’m not saying i’m rude to people but i’m not apologetic about the fact they misinterpreted my point, or think my point is invalid.

When I first started blogging and getting into social justice issues and feminism I would make posts that people would take such offense too! Oh the misandry I was perpetrating! And I of course, not wanting to step on toes back pedaled, made my rage softer, my outrage nicer, and assured them that of course not ALL men. Not ALL privileged people. Not ALL x group here. I made my self soft when other people felt their offense at being called out was more important than the point i’ve made.

Now I want to distinguish this from when I was called out and apologized. I’m not saying I now don’t back down from legitimate criticism. I’m saying I no longer apologize that I offended you for pointing out your bigotry and you are taking it poorly. I wont back down anymore, i’ll continue to be nice and calm about it (because i’m privileged and I have that ability because these issues aren’t usually directly effecting me. I have the privilege of being able to be calm and subjective) but I won’t apologize. I won’t let you think you’re right.

I noticed several of my early posts where I bowed out and apologized and qualified things left and right and I definitely don’t do that anymore. Just yesterday a family friend took offense about a Hobby Lobby post I made because “she believed” and “personally felt that” a whole bunch of stuff. But instead of going “Oh no no! I wasn’t talking about YOU of COURSE NOT! You’re a good one!” Nope. I stood behind my original point, explaining further, and asked that if she was going to make assertions then I would be more than happy to hear her side if she could leave “I” statements out of it.

It’s something small but i’m proud of myself. This extends to my life offline in so many ways. I don’t back down as much, I don’t apologize for my actions when i’m in the right, I speak up. Sorry is no longer my most used word. I was watching the Pantene No More Apologies commercial (above) and I saw a lot of that in myself already. I’ve stopped apologizing for things I shouldn’t have to apologize for. I’ve stopped backing down from my fights. I’ve stopped qualifying my passions in order to seem less threatening. I’ve become a much stronger person who demands the respect I deserve, who demands to be taken seriously, and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.

Until next time,
Meagan

4 Comments

  1. Reply

    Kayly Nyman

    Good for you! I actually really enjoy discussions where people don’t always see eye-to-eye, and hear all the sides. My BFF and I often don’t agree on different subjects, and we have in depth conversations about why we feel the way we do, etc. Sometimes it gets heated, not in terms of anger, but in terms of something we are each passionate about, but that’s what makes it great! I definitely don’t feel you should have to apologize for your beliefs/views/thoughts.

  2. Reply

    Sara Strauss

    Great post! I’ve realized that I apologize way too much for little things. Usually when people bump into me, I apologize first! It’s difficult, but I’ve tried to stop apologizing for every little thing!
    ~Sara

  3. Reply

    Kim

    I think this is seriously awesome and really important. I am learning (SLOOOWWWLY) how to do this in my own life. It’s not easy, but it’s awesome.

    Great post!

    1. Reply

      Meagan Crowe

      It’s taken me forever to stop bending over backwards to make other people feel comfortable even when they’re making me super uncomfortable. I also still do it all the time! It’s a slow process but one i’m glad i’ve become aware of, keep it up!

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